What Happens When You Trade Control For Trust

Summer can turn parents into nonstop reminder machines. Camp bags, towels, sunscreen, water bottles, library books, and somehow we’re the ones holding the entire plan in our heads. I want to offer a calmer, more effective alternative: trade the next reminder for a problem solving question that helps your child think, plan, and take ownership.

We talk through exactly how to do it with simple language you can use right away. Instead of “Don’t forget your towel,” try “What do you need to bring so you’re ready for swimming today?” Instead of “Pack your camp bag,” ask “What is your plan for getting ready for camp tomorrow?” And when the same item keeps getting forgotten, we explore how one question can spark a real system, not just another round of nagging. This approach supports executive function skills like planning and follow through, while also building confidence and independence.

We also connect it to Jewish parenting values: raising kids who contribute to family and community, keep learning, and grow through experience. Stepping back just enough isn’t doing less, it’s teaching more, because responsibility develops when kids get opportunities to practice and learn from small mistakes.

If this resonates, subscribe to Simply Jewish Parenting, share this with a friend who’s tired of repeating themselves, and leave a review so more families can find it. What’s one reminder you’re ready to replace with a better question?

Transcript

Welcome And Summer Reality

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi, I'm Adina Saklov and welcome back to Simply Jewish Parenting where we make family life meaningful and manageable. Alright, we are in the thick of summer. Our schedules are still different, our routines are still looser, and if you're like many parents, you may find yourself saying things like, Did you pack your camp bag? Don't forget your water bottle, go put your sunscreen on, did you bring your library books? Sometimes it can feel like we're spending the entire summer reminding our kids what to do.

Turn Reminders Into Responsibility

SPEAKER_00 0:31

But what if summer could become an opportunity to teach responsibility instead?

Problem Solving Questions That Work

SPEAKER_00 0:35

One of my favorite parenting tools is using problem-solving questions. Rather than constantly reminding kids, we ask questions that encourage them to think and take ownership. For example, instead of saying don't forget your towel, you might ask, what do you need to do to bring so you're ready for swimming today? Instead of saying pack your camp bag, you might ask, what is your plan for getting ready for camp tomorrow? Instead of saying you forgot your sunscreen again, you might ask what could help you remember sunscreen before you leave. These small changes may not seem significant, but they send a powerful message to our kids. I believe you could think, I believe you could solve problems, and I believe you could be responsible.

Summer Moments To Practice Independence

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Summer is actually the perfect time to practice these skills because there's so many natural opportunities. Kids can learn to keep track of their belongings, prepare for activities, help with chores, manage camp supplies, and take responsibility for everyday tasks. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true they can. Maybe your child's going away for the second half to camp. Instead of packing everything for them, you can think, what do you think you'll need to bring? Or maybe your child keeps forgetting their baseball glove, swimsuit, or water bottle. Instead of reminding them, repeatedly ask, what can you do to help yourself remember tomorrow? Maybe your child has summer reading to complete. Instead of nagging, ask when do you think would be the best time for you to get your reading done? Of course, this doesn't mean we never give directions. Sometimes we need to be direct, but whenever possible, try inviting your child into the problem-solving process. Responsibility develops when kids have opportunities to think, plan, and learn from experience.

Jewish Values And Raising Capable Kids

SPEAKER_00 2:08

As Jewish parents, one of our goals is to raise children who contribute to their families and community. Summer gives children many opportunities to practice responsibility, packing their own campbags, helping around the house, keeping track of their belongings, and learning from their mistakes. As Jews, we know the importance of learning and growing throughout our lives. Part of raising capable children is giving them opportunities to learn from their own experiences. When we step back just enough to let them think and problem solve, we're not doing less parenting. We're helping them develop the skills they'll need to become capable, responsible adults. And sometimes that starts with one simple question instead of one more reminder.

The One Question Takeaway

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Okay, here's your takeaway for today. Before giving a reminder, pause and ask yourself, what question could I ask instead? You may be surprised by now how capable your child becomes when given the opportunity. Thanks for listening to Simply Jewish Parenting. As always, if you have a parenting question you'd like me to address on a future episode, I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, enjoy your summer and keep parenting simply.