Four Simple Phrases That Get Kids To Help Clean For Pesach

We share four small communication shifts that help kids cooperate with Pesach cleaning without turning it into a fight. We focus on connection first, because teamwork and responsibility grow faster when our words lower defensiveness and build ownership. 
• why Pesach prep so easily becomes a power struggle 
• using I statements to express stress without blaming 
• turning commands into respectful questions for buy-in 
• switching to we language to create teamwork 
• presuming capability so kids rise to expectations 
• a simple challenge to pick one area and try one skill 

Transcript

Pesach Cleaning And Cooperation

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hi everyone and welcome back to Simply Jewish Parenting. I'm your host, Adina Sakloff. Alright, so today we are continuing to talk about engaging our kids' cooperation during our PASAC cleaning. So let me set the stage for you. The cabins are getting emptied, the toys are getting checked, the crumbs are suddenly everywhere. And somehow, even though we've lived in the same house all year, it feels like there are 10 times more messes in the weeks before PASOC. And of course, we want our kids to help. But here's the big question: why does pay please help me clean for PASAC so often turn into a power struggle? So we spoke about so many techniques that we could use over the past two weeks. And today we're going to talk about more. So the fact is that it's not just what we ask, it's really how we ask. So I want to share four more simple and effective communication techniques that can completely change the tone in your home, especially during busy seasons like PASO Prep.

Use I Statements Under Stress

SPEAKER_00 1:05

So these are very small changes, just changing some words around in a sentence, but they really make a huge impact. So number one, my favorite is I statements. This is especially when you're overwhelmed. Let's be honest. Again, pays off cleaning is super stressful. You open a drawer that you just organize and find cookie crumbs inside again. It's hard to stay calm. So instead of saying, you guys are so messy, I just clean this, use an I statement. I feel really overwhelmed when I see crumbs in a drawer, I just finish cleaning. So do you hear the difference? Like I statements let you express frustration without attacking your child's character. Another example. So instead of you are making this so much harder, try, I guess, stress when I'm cleaning alone, and there's still so much to do. Okay, you're allowed to have feelings and you're allowed to feel tired. I statements help you release that steam without damaging connection with your kids. And really, in the end, it's the connection that gets the cooperation. Okay.

Turn Commands Into Questions

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Number two, turning statements into questions. This one is super powerful, especially with kids who resist being told what to do. So instead of go check your room for chemits right now, try what's the best way to make sure your room is chemitz-free. Again, this is for very independent-minded children. We all have one or more independent-minded children. Jewish children or happen to be more independent-minded. It's part of our genetics. Okay, but again, this is very helpful. Another example, instead of saying pick up those Lego pieces, try what do you think needs to happen so we don't find Lego pieces during Badika Khamet. Again, it makes them think. One more example. Put on your cleaning clothes. Try, we're about to start scrubbing. What do you think you'll need to wear? When you turn statements into respectful questions, something changes. Kids, they start to think, they feel engaged, they feel involved instead of controlled. And then this involvement really helps them to create ownership and create responsibility.

We Language Builds Teamwork

SPEAKER_00 3:38

Number three, restatements. This really helps build a team, which we've been talking about these past few weeks. PESAP cleaning should not feel like mom versus everyone else. It should feel like we're in this together. So instead of clean out your backpack, try how should we tackle the backpacks today. Instead of you need to vacuum the playroom, try, we want the playroom ready for pays off. What's the first step? Instead of help me wash these shelves down, try, we've got these shelves left. How should we split this up? We language builds teamwork and it subtly teaches this is our home, everyone's home. This is our holiday, and we can all contribute. And children who feel part of something are far more likely to participate willingly.

Presume Capability To Encourage Follow Through

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Okay, our last effective communication technique here is you can do this, and that's presupposing capability. This one might be the most powerful of all, right? So pay soft cleaning, we know requires a lot of patience, it requires a lot of follow-through, and it requires kids to stretch a little or a lot, depending on the child. So instead of you never finish your jobs, try. I know you like to finish what you start. What's your plan for getting this done? Instead of you're just playing around, instead of cleaning, try, you seem distracted. I'm sure you have a plan for getting back on track. All right, one more example of this. Instead of you didn't do a good job checking, try. I know you want your room ready for PESA. Take another look. I'm confident you could find anything that's left. So these statements, what's so beautiful about them is that they assume strength and they assume responsibility and they communicate to your child you are capable, you want to do the right thing, and I believe in you. And when children feel believed in, they often rise to meet that belief. They often step up to the plate.

Takeaway And One Small Challenge

SPEAKER_00 5:53

All right, so let's talk about our takeaway for today. We want to bring it all together. We know that PASOC cleaning isn't just about crumbs. I know, I know, but it's really about building responsibility, it's about building teamwork, and it's about building capable human beings. And sometimes the only things we need to change is a few words. So just choose one area of PASAC prep, maybe the backpacks, the toy bins, or the kitchen table. Now just choose one of these communication skills and use that in that area. So replace one command with a question or replace one you criticism with an I statement, okay? So that is it for today, and I hope that you have a wonderful pace off. I thank you.