How Planning, Praise, And Small Rituals Make Shabbos Smoother

We share a practical Shabbos game plan that turns a loud table into a kinder one using structure, kid input, and small, specific praise. We close with rituals that ground us, bless our kids, and help us reset for a warmer week ahead.

• normalising Shabbos chaos and setting expectations
• planning seating, turns and roles before Shabbos
• using family minhag to reduce conflict
• inviting kids to co-create solutions
• preventing meltdowns with thoughtful prep
• running an after-action review post-Shabbos
• using specific praise to reinforce wins
• protecting one grounding ritual for yourself
• closing with blessings, cuddles and gratitude

Transcript

Normalizing Chaos And Expectations

Planning The Table And Roles

Seating, Turns, And Family Minhag

Letting Kids Co-Create Solutions

Preventing Meltdowns With Smart Prep

After-Action Review And Praise

Caring For Yourself And Creating Rituals

Blessings, Connection, And Gratitude

The Built-In Magic Of Shabbos

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hi, welcome to episode 13, our Bar Mitzvah episode of Simply Jewish Parenting. I'm your host, Adina Saklov, and we are talking about Shabbos. Alright, our topic for today. Shabbos is here, managing the table, the chaos, and after action review. Alright, you made it, candles are lit, Shabbos has arrived, and somehow the kids are still arguing. Let's hope that they are, because that's completely normal. But let's normalize this a little bit more. Shabbos doesn't magically turn kids into calm, grateful humans. They are the same kids, just in nicer clothing. So let's talk about what actually helps during Shabbos and how to set yourself up better for next week. Or for the next week that's coming. So we want to make sure to plan the trouble spots in advance. The Shabbos table is beautiful and intense. I mean, everyone's there. We want to think ahead. So during the week, talk to your kids about seating arrangements. Make a seating chart. Everybody could take turns. My husband and I finally figured out that we both sat in the middle of the table so we would have two children on either side of us. It took us forever to figure that out. But that really helped with the arguing. Okay, we also talked before. Who says their Dwarators first? Mostly Kiddish and Hamozi and Basaman for Habdallah is given out in order of birth. I don't know what the minhog is in your family, but that was the minhag in our family. So one family I knew let the youngest watch for Hamozi first, or pick a Zemer first, or read their Parsha sheet first. Be creative, let everyone shine. And they need to know that fair doesn't always mean equal. It just means thoughtful. We also want to make sure that we're asking our kids for ideas. Get their input. Kids have the best ideas. And if we involve them in the planning, again, they take ownership of the Shabbos table, right? You want to say to them, how can we make the Shabbos meal better for everyone? How can we make it more peaceful? Or what helps when you get bored at the Shabbos table? Or how could we reduce the fighting at the table? They will come up with the greatest ideas. And even if they don't have the answers, you've made your value clear. We want a beautiful Shabbos table. We care about peace and getting along here. And that goes a long way. Now you're not saying it in an angry way, like, well, you know, how are we going to make this table better? You know, you need to, you guys need to behave better at the table. You're asking it in a way that invites collaboration. We ought to also want to make sure that there's behind the scenes planning. You want to use your motherly intuition here. Some kids need play dates, some kids need quiet, some need their regular bedtime, even on Shabbos. Do what you can to avoid and prevent meltdowns. Just plan accordingly. And then when it all falls apart, because it will, because that's life with kids, let it go. There's another Shabbos next week. And then after Shabbos, you want to put on your rescue hero hat. When my kids were little, rescue heroes was the show that they watched. So now you can maybe put on a poor patrol hat. I don't know. But anyway, you want to put on your rescue hero hat. You want to think what worked? What didn't? What should we repeat? Really? Be your own consultant in your family. And then you also want to make sure that you praise everything that went right. Even the small things, and get creative. You want to say things like, you sat at the Shabbos table for kiddish. That's good. Even though it was for one minute, it doesn't matter. You guys played with the Legos peacefully for a whole five minutes. You figured out how to be quiet when mommy lit her Shabbos candles. You also want to make sure that you're being specific. The new book during candlelighting really helped it be a more peaceful time. Let's remember that for next week. Maybe we should get a new book for every Shabbos. What a good solution. You could say everyone work together. Again, even if it was only for one second, it doesn't matter because the more you mention, the more you strengthen. Alright, we also need to know that you matter too. And I think I mentioned this at the beginning of our series. You need to be calm to give calm. So you want to find one grounding ritual for yourself. Maybe it's music, maybe it's just a cup of tea that you have on the counter as you are working in your kitchen, just a hot shower. You deserve that, obviously. Just one tidy space for yourself, a quiet time to div in, a little tfila that you could say. Shabbos should feel different for you too. And we want to make sure that we end our Shabbos with some sort of connection. So right before candlelighting or during Shabbos, you want to pause and you want to maybe hug and cuddle with your child. I think that was like the time where everybody just climbed onto the couch and cuddled with each other before they started fighting. You want to make sure to say their name in the Yihi Ratsome at candlelighting out loud so they know that you're dominating for them. You can bless them on Friday night. Both mothers and fathers can do this. I started doing this when my kids were, I don't know, five or six years old. My oldest was five or six years old, and I continue doing it, and I do it with my daughter-in-laws as well. Um, and my son-in-law too. Okay, you could say loud and often, thank you, Hashem, for Shabbos, because literally, I don't know what I would do without Shabbos. All right, now our final takeaway. We need to know that Shabbos already has the magic built in. Khazal gave us the 39 malafot, our midhugging, and the halafut surrounding Shabbos. We really just need to plug in. Every week is another chance, another reset, another opportunity to build a warm Jewish home. One imperfect Shabbos at a time. Thank you for joining me on Simply Jewish Parity. See you next time.