Why Kids Misbehave And What To Do First

We look at misbehavior through a calmer lens and show how four basic needs—sleep, food, routines, and attention—drive most daily struggles. Instead of reacting fast, we teach a quick check that turns chaos into clarity and leads to fewer battles at home.

• reframing behavior as communication
• sleep as the first intervention and set bedtimes
• predictable meals, the power of family dinners, hangry cues
• routines that reduce friction and build responsibility
• visual charts for younger kids and collaborative planning for older kids
• attention as connection, small doses that prevent big blowups
• the four-question pause before any consequence
• choose one area to strengthen this week

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another parent who can use a little more clarity in calm

Transcript

Welcome And The Core Problem

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Hi, and welcome back to Simply Jewish Parenting, the place where we slow things down, take a breath, and bring more calm and clarity into our homes. I'm Adina Sakla. Today I want to talk about something that comes up in almost every conversation that I have with parents. They say, my child is misbehaving. What do I do? So here's the answer that might surprise you. Before consequences, before lectures, lectures don't work at all. Before discipline chart, pause and check whether your child's basic needs are being met. Let's talk about four essential needs that when unmet almost always show up as challenging behavior. Number one, sleep. The very first question I ask a parent when they tell me their child is misbehaving is are they getting enough sleep and do they have a set bedtime? I often get a puzzled book like, it can't possibly be that simple or that easy, but it is. Children today are incredibly sleep-deprived. And research shows that tired children more impulsive, more emotional, and have a much harder time regulating their behavior. And it's not just behavior. Children with set bedtimes are less whiny and cranky, I know this is common sense, at lower risk for obesity, and they actually perform better academically. When parents make sleep a priority, the entire home becomes calmer. And let's be honest, parents, including me, I so need my sleep, behave better when they're rested too. Alright. The second thing that kids need is food. I know it sounds crazy. This is so overlooked. Anytime your child is misbehaving, ask yourself, are they hungry? Like again, so simple. Are they hungry? Are they hangry, right? I love that word, putting hungry and angry together. It makes so much sense. I am often hangry. All right. If challenging behavior happens consistently right before lunch or dinner, that's information, not defiant, not misbehavior. Okay. Our lives are so rushed and children are often eating on the go, but children do much better with predictable meals and snacks rather than random grazing. And I can't stress enough the power of family dinners. Research shows that family meals are linked to better academic performance, higher self-esteem, greater emotional resilience. I'll be talking a lot about resilience because it's so important. Lower rates of depression and risky behavior. Even two family dinners a week can make a real difference. Barhishem, we have Shabbos, because then we at least could sit down twice a week with our family. And I think that we could all agree that those meals are often the glue that keeps a family together. All right. Number three, routines. Children thrive on routines. Judaism thrives on routines. Time for davening every day. Right? We have our mitzvahs that we do all the day. We have our tfilas that we say at different times of the day. It's so critical, but it's so important for kids. Young kids have very little control over their lives, so predictable routines help them feel safe and grounded. When a child knows first we eat, then we bathe, then we brush teeth, and then we read a story, there's far less resistance. Visual charts can be so helpful for younger kids. I work with so many kids with high-functioning autism, and they use visual charts, but it's not only for children with special needs. They are so valuable for typically developing children as well. Older children need routines too: a set wake up time, a predictable homework window, an evening wind-down routine. And here's something really important. You don't want to impose structure. You want to invite your child into it. And you want to start very young. You want to ask questions like, when do you think is the best time for homework? Or if the bus leaves at 7:30, what time should you wake up? This underlying message here is you are responsible for your schedule and you are quite capable of being responsible for your schedule. If you start talking to your kids like this when they're very young, it will just become really natural to them. And this builds responsibility, then you will have less power struggles. Okay, number four, attention. Children need attention like they need air. If they don't get positive attention, they will settle for negative attention because connection is non-negotiable. For younger kids, this might look like acting out, hurting siblings, refusing to eat, making messes. For older kids and teens, it could be a lot more serious. A lot of risky behavior. When a child feels seen, they behave differently. Often just a few minutes of undivided attention can prevent hours of discipline later. Make sure, fathers, that you are spending time with your kids. That is so important, especially your sons. All right. Now let's talk about a takeaway action step for parents. Here's your simple, doable action step for this week. The next time your child misbehaves, don't react right away. I know it's hard. But don't react right away. Pause and mentally check these four questions. Are they overtired? Are they hungry? Is their routine unclear or inconsistent? Or is their routine messed up? That could happen. And it's okay. It is gonna happen. But they will misbehave. Or are the last thing that you want to ask is are they needing connection? Choose one area to strengthen this week, not all for. Remember, small changes create a calm. All right, that is it for today. Thank you for being here and for your work you do every day building a Jewish home. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another parent who can use a little more clarity in calm. Until next time, parent simply, parent intentionally, and remember behavior is communication. Thanks so much for listening.